The time machine fantasy

The time machine fantasy

I have a recurring daydream. The details and logistics vary but the core fantasy is the same: time travel exists. Sometimes it’s a new scientific discovery like a time machine that people can opt to use within set parameters.  Sometimes it’s a secret ability that only I access for some mysterious reason like in Back to the Future. Always my goal is to prevent my daughter’s death.

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Partners: a kitchen table post

Partners: a kitchen table post

Kitchen table posts are ones where each of the regular writers at Glow in the Woods answers a series of questions on a particular topic. The topic of grief and partners pops up a lot in our brainstorming for these posts but feels underrepresented to us in babyloss-focused spaces. In this post, we reflect on our own experiences grieving with or alongside partners and in relationships.

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Absent presence

Absent presence

I used to worry about the days somewhere far in the future when I might not think of her every hour, or even every day. I used to think that when those days arrived it would mean I had failed her, had forgotten her, had left her trapped in some kind of terrible limbo, neglected, lost for real. It’s not like that, though, and I wish I could’ve known that all those years ago. Someone probably told me. I know I didn’t believe them.

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Arches

Arches

I choke on the combination of tears and diesel and smoke. Kara notices and asks me if I am okay. I gesture at the grass beside us, at the empty strip of green between the McDonald's and the TA, and she understands. There is nothing where I am gesturing. Like me, she sees what is not there. I am gesturing at the space where our other daughter should be playing, having already finished what would very likely not be her first Happy Meal.

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