What I wouldn’t give to return to the before - a time when I took for granted that you would be okay, when my biggest problem was my inability to roll over and my constant heartburn. The person in that recording had no idea what I know. That life can turn in a moment. That we have so little control over some of the most important things. That a loss so great can make you feel as if you have a physical gash in your heart that will never heal no matter how much time passes.