Every time I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook from new parents, I see the flood of congratulatory comments. I would be lying if I did not say I was jealous of the innocence held by these expecting parents and their families. I feel no desire to say “congrats” but instead to warn them: did you know that your completely healthy and normal pregnancy can end in a shit show with your baby dying in your arms? Mood killer.
Read MoreWith age came missed milestones. His failure to develop started to become more obvious to us and we gradually began to see visions of his future. By now I knew that he would one day die, but I still couldn’t see his death. When readmitted to hospital that first time, I never imagined that I would go home without him. I didn’t. The second readmission was the same. So when I took him for a third time, I packed his supplies including his food and milk and drove him to emergency. By now I knew what to do.
Read MoreIn the words of an unknown author: “Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she is but she is not all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
Read Moreyou call it grief
you think it’s madness
when i throw matches into the wind
and expect them to catch fire
but i assure you it is not
Read MoreIn my peripheral vision, I can sometimes see a fuzzy outline. A silhouette of a chubby baby that should be here too. It’s easy to become distracted by that ghost. I try not to get too lost in that because I know that he’s just in my head and there are so many other directions that I’m pulled towards. But sometimes it’s nice to have a ghost for company when I’m going through the motions.
Read MoreYour dad and I grew in our relationship in ways I didn’t know were possible. But that growth came excruciatingly and at great cost. If I could tell you only one thing about the life we built after you were gone: it’s this: we are a very happy family. But we wish you were here, too.
Read MoreBereaved parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion, and the other side of getting through this mess called grief.
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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
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